Getting Past the Past: Abortion

Series: Getting Past the Past

Abortion by John Burke, November 4, 2007

This must be one of the most difficult topics to discuss in any group. Because the issue is so emotionally charged, please start in prayer that your discussion be honest, but with a great measure of understand and grace from God and for each other. As John said, “people are never the enemy”, and our goal should always be healing. Also, it’s a good idea to emphasis that no one should feel pressure to share anything beyond what they are comfortable. And if someone desires to go further, next-steps are listed at the end of these notes.

1. Since healing IS the goal, maybe that’s a good place to start too. Certainly all Christ-followers, and likely many others, have experienced God’s healing in their lives. Spend 10 minutes or so for those who wish to share about some issue in their past, big or small, where they have experienced God’s healing. (Note that questions 4 might take some of these experiences further with HOW the healing happened – so you can be thinking of that to discuss later.).

2. John talked about some of the “lies” that told and believed about abortion. Take some time to identify these: What are the lies about what abortion is and what it’s impact is. (10 – 15 minutes)

3. If these are lies, what is the “truth”? Why is abortion wrong from God’s perspective? (5 – 10 minutes)

4. As John discussed in the message and with Cheryl Jakubowski, so often people who have an abortion (or “participate” with encouragement) find they think it’s unforgivable. How about this? Is abortion unforgivable? Is there anything that is unforgivable? (5 – 10 minutes)

5. Whether “true” or not, the feeling that you have done something that is “unforgiveable” by God and/or by yourself is not limited to abortion. Has there been something in your life that you thought was unforgivable (or was very had to accept forgiveness for) – but where you were later able to fully realize forgiveness? Take some time for anyone who has “been there”, to talk about the experience: What effect did feeling “unforgiving” have on your life? What helped you get that healing/forgiveness? (10 minutes)

6. Now let’s look at abortion in terms of being a healing community: What are some things that a loving community can do to help others in healing from abortion? Note any direct actions that could be relevant for someone to take if led by God to do so? (5 – 10 minutes)

7. Spend a few minutes for personal reflection: Is there some area where you are confused about a “lie”? Is there some area in your life, abortion or something else, where you have not been able to get the forgiveness, healing, and freedom that is God’s desire for you? Is there some way you feel motivated to be more a part of the healing community? Whatever direction you feel God leading you, write that down – and then write down one step you can take this week to respond. (5 minutes)

If you are in a group, it would be good to close by thanking God for what He did through Jesus’ death to give us forgiveness and to make an abundant life possible.

Bible verses from the message:

All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all...But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.”
Isaiah 53:5-6

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:9-10

I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned… Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice.
Psalm 51:3-4

When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long…Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Psalm 32:3-5

I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
2 Samuel 12:23

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
Romans 8:1

Get more - go further:

• “Forgiven and Set Free” – a confidential group for post-abortion women. Introductory meeting is Thursday, November 29th at 7:15pm. The group starts on Thursday, January 3rd and will meet for 8 weeks from 7:30-9:00pm. E-mail SetFree@gatewaychurch.com to register or to get more info.
• For additional info on any of these programs, e-mail ComfortAndHope@gatewaychurch.com.
• If this series has struck a chord with you and you would like to become part of the solution by volunteering with any of the Support and Recovery ministries, please e-mail SupportAndRecovery@gatewaychurch.com.
  

Individual help: Biblically-based, professional counseling is available at Gateway. Counseling can be a great help if you are seeking healing, growth, understanding or encouragement. Contact Merry Fiske, MA, LPC if you have questions or to schedule an appointment at (512) 659-1256.

Want to read some on your own? Consider on of the following books available at the Gateway Bookstore on-line or look at books at the "Garage".

I'll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford
A Solitary Sorrow, Teri Reisser, Paul Reisser
What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey (this has multiple formats...book and audio)

Also, check out other resources for personal growth at the Way of Christ resource website.

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by 5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listening and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.

Getting Past the Past: Abuse

Getting Past the Past
Abuse by Ted Beasley and Carrie Cothran-Williams

Abuse is an extremely sensitive topic . As Ted and Carrie explained in the message, shame is a common feeling among people who have been abused…even though it is not a justified response. With that in mind, start by confirming that this IS sensitive, that people may have strong personal responses, and pray that everyone participating in your discussions will feel God’s healing love and a safe zone to share only as they are comfortable. Also note there are various options for getting trained/professional help at the end of these notes.

1. Along with shame – one of the most common reactions to abuse is denial. So, let’s start there. Abuse is certainly not the only area where we can react with denial. Spend some time talking about denial in general. Can you identify any area in your own past – big or small, where you were in denial? Think about why you wanted to ignore/escape the problem and then use that as the basis for discussing what makes people go into denial. Come up with as many motivations as you can, trying to get a better understanding of what makes people “push down” parts of their lives or their histories. (10 minutes)

2. Now, what about abuse?: Think about why abuse, in particular, is something that is so very hard to deal with. Ted and Carrie talked about dealing with the “lies”: What are the lies that that victims of abuse tell themselves? What about those who abuse others? As in the question above, use your discussion to get a fuller picture of what makes abuse especially difficult to deal with. (5 - 10 minutes)

3. Next, try to get a picture of the “fallout” from abuse. In what ways does abuse impact peoples lives? What about the lives of those around them? Try to list the different ways that abuse has a ripple effect in a person’s life and in their relationships. (5 - 10 minutes)

4. In the message, we learned that part of the challenge of abuse is thinking that the future can be different. So it's worth taking some time to look at “success stories”. Ted talked about how God desires to take away the hurt and “sing over” us with rejoicing (see Zephaniah passage below). Was there ever something from your past (of any sort) that you did not want to deal with or maybe even look at, but later were able to face and get “healing” or resolution? Think about that for a minute and then share: What different things got you to look at that part of your story? Next, what things helped you to get past the issues/events once you looked at them? Have you heard God "singing" over that part of your story? (If you don’t have or don’t want to share your own story – maybe there is someone else’s lessons you can talk about – with careful confidentiality please!). (10 - 15 minutes)

5. Next, look at abuse from a different perspective….that of a friend or family member. What are the “challenges” to helping and/or supporting someone who has experienced abuse? What are some of “natural reactions” others might have? What are kinds of things would not help –or even hurt the situation? What things can “supporters” do that would likely be helpful? Try to develop two lists: “options to help” and “things to avoid”. (10 minutes)

6. End by spending some time for reflection. Ted started by talking about how Pharaoh told Moses “Tomorrow” when asked about when the plague of frogs would be removed. Ask yourself if you are in denial – over abuse (or something else) in your own life, or in someone else’s. Is there a step you clearly hear God prompting you to take – today – to help yourself or to help someone else. If so, write down your commitment to God and take a moment in prayer to ask Him to give you the grace/power/purpose to take that step. (5 minutes)


Bible verses from the message:

Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, “Pray to the LORD to take the frogs away from me and my people, and I will let your people go to offer sacrifices to the LORD." Moses said to Pharaoh, "I leave to you the honor of setting the time for me to pray for you and your officials and your people that you and your houses may be rid of the frogs, except for those that remain in the Nile." "Tomorrow," Pharaoh said.
Exodus 8:8-10

The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:15-17

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.
I Peter 5:8

This is what the LORD says: “Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing.”
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,” declares the LORD, “because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.” This is what the LORD says: “I will restore the fortunes of Jacob's tents and have compassion on his dwellings; the city will be rebuilt on her ruins, and the palace will stand in its proper place. From them will come songs of thanksgiving and the sound of rejoicing.”
Jeremiah 30:12, 17-19

Get more - go further:

If you want particular support for your own abuse issues there are several options:

• Wings on a Dove – 3-week workshop for women who have experienced domestic violence; starts November 19th.
• Wounded Heart Book Study – 8-week study designed for women who have been sexually abused, starting January 14th.
• There is an On-going Support group for women who have been abused – 2nd and 4th Thursday of every month.
• For additional info on any of these programs, e-mail ComfortAndHope@gatewaychurch.com.
• If this series has struck a chord with you and you would like to become part of the solution by volunteering with any of the Support and Recovery ministries, please e-mail SupportAndRecovery@gatewaychurch.com.
  

Individual help: Biblically-based, professional counseling is available at Gateway. Counseling can be a great help if you are seeking healing, growth, understanding or encouragement. Contact Merry Fiske, MA, LPC if you have questions or to schedule an appointment at (512) 659-1256.

You can find a searchable index to find books on abuse at the Gateway Bookstore on-line or look at books at the "Garage".

Also, check out other resources for personal growth at the Way of Christ resource website.

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by 5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listening and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.

Getting Past the Past: Divorce

Series: Getting Past the Past
Divorce by Ted Beasley, October 21, 2007


Continuing the series on Getting Past the Past, this message looks at something so many people experience and that has huge implications for their present and their future. So how does one start to get past a divorce – or help others we care about heal from one? That’s the destination of Ted’s message.

1. While the reasons for divorce may be complicated – God’s feelings about divorce are clear: He hates it – see the passage from Malachi below (but remember, as Ted said, He certainly does NOT hate divorced people). Let’s look at God’s feelings more: Why does God hate divorce? List as many things about divorce as you can that would make God hate it. (10 minutes)

2. Ted used the story of Zacchaeus (see below) as an analogy for how so many divorced people react to Jesus – and also one that contains Jesus' prescripton for healing. Take a look at the first step: “up a tree”. So often divorce people feel separated, embarrassed, ashamed, or at least, completely off their game. Since almost all of us know someone who has been divorced or have gone through that experience ourselves, as either children or adults, spend some time in the group talking about what it is like – but only talk about yourself if you feel completely comfortable. Does it feel like being up a tree? How or how not? (10 – 15 minutes)

3. Now consider the next step: Hide and seek. How do we respond to people going through divorce? Ted noted that Jesus moved toward Zacchaeus with love and with truth. What do each of those qualities mean in the context of dealing with someone going through a divorce? Try to describe some of the types of behavior/responses that would say “love” and those that would say “truth” to someone going through a divorce. Are there any typical types of responses that would definitely NOT be on either of the lists above? (10 minutes)

4. Last step… Crossing the Line: Zacchaeus decided he was completely tired of what his life had been like to that point. He decided to move toward Jesus – and not just to move, but to change his entire response to his past: He committed to being generous. In the context of divorce or other relationship breakdowns, forgiveness is probably the best example of “generosity”. This type of generosity is not natural. For deep hurts it takes something supernatural to go there – to get God’s love and forgiveness first, and then to get His grace to give it to others. Think about any relationship breeches you may have experienced – whether divorce or something else: Can you think of a way that forgiveness “turned darkness into light”? If so, talk about that with the others in your group: What led to forgiveness, and what has been the impact of the forgiveness for you’re and/or the others in the relationship? (10 – 15 minutes)

5. Close by spending some time thinking about the messages that struck you during the discussion. If you have been through a divorce, what stage are you in now and is there anything God seems to want to deal with you about? If you know someone who needs to get past the past of a divorce, is there a way God is prompting you to show either truth or love to that person? Whatever you are hearing from God, write it down and also write down a time this week you will engage with Him to ask about your “next steps” in healing or supporting healing for someone else. (5 minutes)


Bible verses from the message:

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.
Malachi 2:16

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a sinner." But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
Luke 19:1 – 10

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 2:2

You were taught to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:22-24

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4: 29, 31-32

Get more - go further:

At the Gateway Bookstore you can find books on divorce like Divorce Care: Hope, Help and Healing During and After your Divorce (by Steve Grissom) and Broken: Making Sence Out of Life After Your Parent's Divorce (by Tim Baker) - or search for other titles: on-line or in the "Garage".

Want support? Maybe Gateway's Support and Recovery programs could have the help you need. There are special groups on Divorce Care and Divorce Care for Kids.

Need to sort through personal healing or your marriage? Gateway supports biblically-based, professional counseling . Contact Merry Fiske at merry@gatewaychurch.com or call Merry at 659-1256.

Also, check out other resources for personal growth at the Way of Christ resource website.

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by 5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listening and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.

Getting Past the Past: Grief and Loss

Getting Past the Past
Grief and Loss by John Burke, October 14, 2007

As we begin a new series on Getting Past the Past, this Sunday John focused on Grief and Loss. His theme was that God’s plan for dealing with grief is different from what so many people’s experience – and as a result, there is a lot of lingering pain from the losses we have experienced in our lives. As John told us, “if you don’t deal with painful loss in healthy ways, it will forever deal with you.” Naturally, this means that there could be some deep wounds among you and this could be a difficult topic for some people to discuss. So, please, before you start any discussion, pray that the Lord will be with you as a protector and comforter during your discussions. As always – no one should share beyond what they feel comfortable doing.

1. John noted that one of the standard ways “the world” approaches grief is play or want others to play “The Quiet Game” – don’t talk about it. What other kinds of messages do people get/give about grief? (5 - 10 minutes)

2. John’s messages stressed that there are helpful and hurtful ways of dealing with loss. Let’s take a look at these. Try to think of two different people you know who have faced loss, but come through it in different ways – one with significant healing and the other with little or no resolution. Think for a minute about what made the two people/experiences different from each other. Then in the group, explore the two different types of experiences. (There will be questions about your own experiences later, so for now, try to think of other people ). First, from what you know or think, what was the “healing” experiences like: What was the person like who came through a loss in a positive way (or at least not with significant emotional scars). What types of things did they do or not do? Next, what about the person who was up-ended by their loss: What was their experience like? What are/were they like? What did they do or not do? Once you have discussed each type of experience, try to summarize any common features for each type of loss reactions. (Note – you may need to spend a bit of time describing a circumstance, but do be a brief as you can and please don’t identify or violate any person’s confidentiality – try to keep the descriptions general. Also, remember that there are many types of losses that we can experience.) (15 - 20 minutes)

3. John outlined five guidelines for dealing with loss:

• Grieve the loss: (“You can’t heal if you don’t feel.” “God’s path past the pain is to grieve it.”)
• Review the loss: (Stay with it… don’t just run for something to make the hurt go away.)
• Grieve in community: (Don’t go undercover, allow others in and be there for someone else.)
• Lean into God’s healing: (Be honest with God about your loss and pain, and be determined to stay close to Him because He cares about your loss.)
• Hope in God: (Trust that there is new life and healing in Him).
  

Go back through the list above and see whether you can see any parallels between this list and the discussion in Question 2. Note the similarities and differences. (10 minutes)

4. If you are in a larger group, break pairs or triads for this question. Most people have had some sort of loss in their lives – whether one of several, big or small. Focus on a loss that you have had, how you dealt with it, who was involved. Are there any ways that your experiences fits either of the lists the group identified in the first questions? Finally, do you think/feel that the loss is healed? Share any thoughts on insights with the others. If you feel like there is still more healing needed – think through John’s list and write down any part of the solution to grief that you think might be missing in your own experience. (15 - 20 minutes)

5. In the group as a whole, spend some time discussing some practical ways to live through John's guidelines for dealing with loss. Based on all the discussions and other knowledge – what steps can someone take to either get positive relief form their own loss, or support someone else in getting healing? (10 minutes)

6. Close by having some time for personal reflection. Is there a pain from loss in your life that God has spoken to you about today? If not you, is there someone else whose grief the Lord has put on your heart? In either case, ask God whether He is leading you to take some action? If so, write down your own “next step” for this week. If need/want support in your steps, be sure to look at the Next Step resources below. If you can, ask you group for prayer and any other support you need to help others or step toward healing yourself. (5 minutes)


Bible verses from the message:

Grieve not as those who have no hope.
I Thessalonians 4:13

Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning.
Ecclesiastes 7:3-4

Jesus wept.
John 11:35

The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.
Deuteronomy 34

Mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15

“I have called you by name, you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”
Isaiah 43:1-2

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

God is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68:5

“Trust in God, trust also in me…"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world ."
John 14:1, 16:33

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Revelation 21:4

Get more - go further:

John's suggestions from Delores Keening's Helping People Through Grief book:

• Acknowledge the loss
• Give permission to grieve
• Encourage the person to talk
• Offer practical help
• Follow up monthly for the first year

Other books are available at the Gateway Bookstore on-line or in the Garage. Consider

• A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis
• A Grace Disguised, How the Soul Grows through Loss by Jerry Sittser

A Grief Support Group is begining for those who have experienced the death o f a loved one. The group will meet on Monday's 6:30 - 8pm for 8 weeks starting October 29th. E-mail GriefSupport@gatewaychurch.com for info.

Profesisonal Counseling: Biblically-based, professional counseling is available for those seeking healing. For inormation contact Merry Fiske at merry@gatewaychurch.com.

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by 5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listening and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.