Sunday, October 21, 2007

Getting Past the Past: Divorce

Series: Getting Past the Past
Divorce by Ted Beasley, October 21, 2007


Continuing the series on Getting Past the Past, this message looks at something so many people experience and that has huge implications for their present and their future. So how does one start to get past a divorce – or help others we care about heal from one? That’s the destination of Ted’s message.

1. While the reasons for divorce may be complicated – God’s feelings about divorce are clear: He hates it – see the passage from Malachi below (but remember, as Ted said, He certainly does NOT hate divorced people). Let’s look at God’s feelings more: Why does God hate divorce? List as many things about divorce as you can that would make God hate it. (10 minutes)

2. Ted used the story of Zacchaeus (see below) as an analogy for how so many divorced people react to Jesus – and also one that contains Jesus' prescripton for healing. Take a look at the first step: “up a tree”. So often divorce people feel separated, embarrassed, ashamed, or at least, completely off their game. Since almost all of us know someone who has been divorced or have gone through that experience ourselves, as either children or adults, spend some time in the group talking about what it is like – but only talk about yourself if you feel completely comfortable. Does it feel like being up a tree? How or how not? (10 – 15 minutes)

3. Now consider the next step: Hide and seek. How do we respond to people going through divorce? Ted noted that Jesus moved toward Zacchaeus with love and with truth. What do each of those qualities mean in the context of dealing with someone going through a divorce? Try to describe some of the types of behavior/responses that would say “love” and those that would say “truth” to someone going through a divorce. Are there any typical types of responses that would definitely NOT be on either of the lists above? (10 minutes)

4. Last step… Crossing the Line: Zacchaeus decided he was completely tired of what his life had been like to that point. He decided to move toward Jesus – and not just to move, but to change his entire response to his past: He committed to being generous. In the context of divorce or other relationship breakdowns, forgiveness is probably the best example of “generosity”. This type of generosity is not natural. For deep hurts it takes something supernatural to go there – to get God’s love and forgiveness first, and then to get His grace to give it to others. Think about any relationship breeches you may have experienced – whether divorce or something else: Can you think of a way that forgiveness “turned darkness into light”? If so, talk about that with the others in your group: What led to forgiveness, and what has been the impact of the forgiveness for you’re and/or the others in the relationship? (10 – 15 minutes)

5. Close by spending some time thinking about the messages that struck you during the discussion. If you have been through a divorce, what stage are you in now and is there anything God seems to want to deal with you about? If you know someone who needs to get past the past of a divorce, is there a way God is prompting you to show either truth or love to that person? Whatever you are hearing from God, write it down and also write down a time this week you will engage with Him to ask about your “next steps” in healing or supporting healing for someone else. (5 minutes)


Bible verses from the message:

“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.
Malachi 2:16

Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way. When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today." So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a sinner." But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount." Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
Luke 19:1 – 10

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 2:2

You were taught to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:22-24

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths . . . Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4: 29, 31-32

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