Mad Love: Communication

Series: Mad Love/Everlasting Love
Communication by John Burke, March 30, 2008
Jesus taught that loving God and loving others is the core of a new life with Him. In this series, the focus is on loving others and clearly, communication enormously important to that. In fact, as John said in his message, communication is at the heart of our ability both to express love and to receive love.

1. John started out talking about listening – a key ingredient in good communication. We all know that listening is important… but sometimes it’s hard to do. Why is that? What are some of the things that make it hard for people (you?) to focus on what someone else is saying. If you want, keep a list of the “listening blockers” that come up in the discussion. (10 minutes)

2. Next, consider what good and bad listening looks like. Think for a minute about people you know, and try to identify someone who is really good at listening, and someone else who is really bad at listening. Take some time to talk about each one. First, the BAD (no names, please!): What does that person do, or not do, that makes you think they are such a poor listener? How did you feel when you’d been in a conversation with that person? Take a few minutes to talk about this in the group. Next, what about the good listener? What is it about them that made you tag them as really good at listening? How do you feel when you have been talking with that person? During the discussion keep track of the characteristics of good and bad listeners. Spend about 10 minutes on each type of listener.

3. Now, how about some practice? If you are in a group, pair off. Think about something that happened to you in the last week that was either an upper or a downer for you (Ideally, something that can be told in a minute or two). Select one person to mimic some of the characteristics of a bad listener and the other the characteristics of a good listener. Take turns telling your stories to each other. Be sure to note how your felt and how the other person responded to both good and bad “listeners”. Next, reverse roles with new “stories”. Try to remember yours and your partner’s responses and feelings. After you’ve tried each role, talk about the experience – and particularly note if there was anything you want to try to use or lose in your own listening style based on the exercise. Wind up this part by talking some in the larger group about the experience. (20 – 25 minutes)

4. At the end of his message, John talked about Dr. Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” and outlined five different “languages”:

• Words of Affirmation (giving and receiving encouragement and positive feedback)


• Quality Time (time as a way to show you care and know you are valued)


• Acts of Service (giving and receiving kindnesses and practical help)


• Receiving Gifts (getting and giving tangible remembrances of someone’s value)


• Physical Touch (giving and receiving physical affection and personal closeness)

First, make a list of the most important people you love. Can you identify each one’s “love language”, either from the list above or something else you are sure says love to them? If so write that down next to their name. If not, listen to the next discussion and see if that helps you identify the language of your loved ones. So, next: Can you identify your own love language? Share some about what “speaks love” to you and why. As much as possible, give practical examples of the things that make you feel loved. (10 minutes)

End by taking a moment to review your list of the people you love and their languages. Should you change or add anything? What about your experience in the listening exercise: Is there any one thing you would like to change about your listening? Take a moment to ask God to remind you of these notes at the point you can use them this week – and if possible, take some time next week to report on any successes. (2 – 3 minutes)

Bible verses from the message:

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

Words of Affirmation - "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds…let us encourage one another….” Hebrews 10:24-25

Quality Time – “[Jesus] appointed twelve…that they might be with him.” "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you….” Luke 3:14, John 15:9

Acts of Service – "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love". Galatians 5:13

Receiving Gifts – “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son.” John 3:16

Physical Touch - "Greet one another with a kiss of love". 1 Peter 5:14

Get more background and information:

• You can download or listen to John's message at Gateway's Sunday Message Archive (and other messages too)
• For more information about love languages you can read Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
• Search for other topics you want to know more about at the Gateway Bookstore