Been there, done that. Now what?: Intimacy

Series: Been there, done that. Now what?
Intimacy by John Burke - September 30, 2007

In this message, John talked about making real and deep connections with other people: intimacy. Since John made such a clear point that bringing God into relationships really opens the door for intimacy, why not start with praying individually and then together if you are in a group, inviting God to be with you and that each of you will have the security of God’s love as you genuinely relate to each other in the group today.

John pointed out how our “aloneness” is the source of so many of our problems in this life. We don’t’ want to do life alone, but really making a genuine connection with others is pretty intimidating. So, as a starting note: don’t be worried about it right now. No one is going to ask you to bare your soul. You might be asked to stretch and share… but in this discussion, you can be as safe as you want to be.

1. Before you get into some of the direct applications of John’s message, spend some time just talking about your impressions of what “intimacy” means. What do you think an intimate relationship is like? What words come to mind? (5 minutes)

2. Bet most of your descriptions of intimacy sound pretty good… something most people would want more of in their lives. So why is it so rare in our world? What are the things that keep us from having intimacy in our relationships? (5 minutes)

3. John described part of intimacy as being “sincere” and told how the root of that word is “without wax”. Do you have (or have you had ) a relationship that was “without wax”, where you felt most free to not cover up your cracks – and maybe also being OK with the other person’s cracks as well? Think about that relationship for a minutes and then think about what about the relationship made it possible to be “sincere”. Spend some time sharing the types of things that make intimacy possible. (10 – 15 minutes)

4. There are different sorts of relationship patterns we tend to get into that keep us from being “real”. John describes three different patterns: Superiority… looking down at others; Inferiority…. always trying to prove yourself to others, or Hiding … withdrawing from personal relationships. I would bet that nearly everyone has at least one of these tendencies. Which is yours? What does it “cost you”? Can you think of one example of how the type of response you tend toward has negatively affected your relationships in general? Take time for people to share as they would like. (10 minutes)

5. John described three things that help build intimate relationships: risking yourself, trusting that even if someone else hurts you, you are safe in God’s love, and then getting (and being) the encouragement to take another step. If you are discussing this in a Gateway group, or with a spiritual running partner – you have already taken the first step in building the type of intimacy that God planned for people that follow Christ. So, try to take another step tonight. Think about one thing, big or small, that could be keeping you from risking a little bit more of yourself… and share that. Take time to listen to each other, ask questions, and respond honestly (but with grace – if needed) to each others’ concerns. Encourage when you can. (20 – 25 minutes).

End by first spending a little bit of time with personal reflection. Is there some thing you can trust about God that can help you risk yourself more in your group? If so, write that down and ask God to build your view of Him in that way. Then pray with each other that you will each trust God and each other more in your group. (5 minutes)

Bible verses from the message:

Again, I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun… Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors… I observed yet another example of something meaningless under the sun. This is the case of a man who is all alone…who works hard to gain as much wealth as he can. But then he asks himself, “Who am I working for…It is all so meaningless and depressing.
Ecclesiastes 4:1-7

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us…And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
1 John 4:10-12, 16

“But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”
1 John 4:18

Get more - go further:

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listneing and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.

Check out the following books and others that are relevant at Gateway's on-line Bookstore (and in the Gateway "Garage")

• Safest Place on Earth by Larry Crabb
• The Purpose Driven Life and God's Answers to Life's Difficult Questions by Rick Warren
• S.H.A.P.E.: Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life by Erik Rees
• Breaking the Idols of Your Heart by Dan Allender
• Search for Significance by Robert McGee

Small Groups - Taste of Community "sampler" groups are starting soon. Or look for an on-going group to join at the Group Finder site.

One Body - Take a look at Gateway activities, lots of different ways to get involved at Gateway, along with a test to gauge your talents and spiritual gifts at the One Body Gateway website.

Way of Christ - spiritual growth resources at Way of Christ Next-Steps Website