Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mad Love: Committment

Series: Mad Love
Committment by John Burke, April 13, 2008
Continuing this series about building loving relationships, John talked about the make-it-or-break-it issue of commitment… something that’s missing in so many types of relationships.

1. John mentioned Chip Ingram’s book (see below) where he noted that a lot of our ideas about how love commitments happen come from movies, TV, songs, etc. Knock that around a little bit. Think of a movie/show/song about love relationships that you’ve seen/heard recently. What could someone “learn” about love commitments – how they happen… or not – from this? Talk about this for a few minutes. (5 - 10 minutes)

2. While John talked mostly about the big commitment of marriage, many people back away from even small commitments (i.e., go to a movie, help with something or someone, take on a small responsibility, etc). Think back over the last couple of weeks: Can you think of any point where either 1) you asked someone to commit to something big or small, 2) someone asked you to do that, or 3) you saw that played out with people you know? How did the “agreement” part go? What about the follow-through? Do you know, or can you speculate about the reasons involved? We’ll use your “example” here as the basis for part of the discussion below. (BTW - We all know that much of our lives feel like they are “over-committed” anyway… and we just can’t do more. We’re not talking about that. Rather, think about a request where it would have been possible to agree.)

- First, examples of someone not being willing to commit at all: talk about those types of situations. In the discussion, try to notice the reasons… in terms of either circumstances or personal style/preferences why the person involved did not to agree to do something they were asked to “commit” to. (think about both “given” as well as any “real” reasons).

- Next, talk about any examples where there was “agreement” but no follow-through. Outside of genuinely unavoidable events, why did you or others not act on the agreement?

- Now, what about the commitments that were “completed”, at least to the degree possible? Discuss what happened there: Were there any different circumstances or motivations? What made these commitments “work”?

Wrap up this part by thinking back over the discussion so far: Do you notice any common types of differences between the commitments that happen and those that don’t? Note these and then discuss any other reasons you think make it hard for people to make “commitments” in their lives. (20 - 25 minutes for all examples and discussion)

3. Now, let’s go back to loving relationships. Not all of us have been married, but most of us have had at least one important relationship where we were/are very committed – maybe to children, parents, or a friend if not a spouse. Think about any relationship you were/are genuinely, deeply, committed. Why? What makes you committed? Discuss only as much as you feel comfortable. (5 - 10 minutes)

4. John said that statistics show that “living together” actually decreases the chances for the people involved to have a lasting marriage. Any ideas about why that would be the case? Talk about that for awhile. (5 - 10 minutes)

5. Obviously we can only have a limited number of deeply committed relationships. But sometimes we want/need more than we have or the ones we have don’t really have all the “mad love” we want. Wrap up by thinking about your own relationships. As John said, God is our best teacher about loving relationships. John noted that God teaches that in REAL love there is: Commitment, No fear of judgment, No fear of abandonment, No fear of rejection, and No fear of external threats : (for specifics on this, check out the Bible verses below). John also compared Hollywood’s route to love with God’s:
“Hollywood’s” path to love: 1). Find the Right Person 2). Fall in Love emotionally, particularly when based on sexual energy 3). Fix all your hopes and dreams on that one person. 4). If failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3.
God’s Path: 1). Become the right person. 2). Walk in love. 3). Fix your hope on God and seek to please him through this relationship. 4). If a failure occurs, repeat steps 1-3.
Are you on the path to love in your deep personal relationships? Do you feel like God is suggesting a path correction? If so, write that down along with one thing you can do this week to move to or along the path to God’s type of loving relationship. (5 minutes)

Bible verses from the message:

"Haven't you read, " [Jesus] replied, "that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Matthew 19:4-6

He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. Ephesians 5:28-30

We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that [God’s] love has not been perfected in us. We love each other as a result of his loving us first. 1 John 4:18-19

God has said, ‘never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ Hebrews 13:5

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you. Romans 15:7

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The Angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Romans 8:38-39

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us. Ephesians 5:1-2

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