Getting Past the Past: Abuse

Getting Past the Past
Abuse by Ted Beasley and Carrie Cothran-Williams

Abuse is an extremely sensitive topic . As Ted and Carrie explained in the message, shame is a common feeling among people who have been abused…even though it is not a justified response. With that in mind, start by confirming that this IS sensitive, that people may have strong personal responses, and pray that everyone participating in your discussions will feel God’s healing love and a safe zone to share only as they are comfortable. Also note there are various options for getting trained/professional help at the end of these notes.

1. Along with shame – one of the most common reactions to abuse is denial. So, let’s start there. Abuse is certainly not the only area where we can react with denial. Spend some time talking about denial in general. Can you identify any area in your own past – big or small, where you were in denial? Think about why you wanted to ignore/escape the problem and then use that as the basis for discussing what makes people go into denial. Come up with as many motivations as you can, trying to get a better understanding of what makes people “push down” parts of their lives or their histories. (10 minutes)

2. Now, what about abuse?: Think about why abuse, in particular, is something that is so very hard to deal with. Ted and Carrie talked about dealing with the “lies”: What are the lies that that victims of abuse tell themselves? What about those who abuse others? As in the question above, use your discussion to get a fuller picture of what makes abuse especially difficult to deal with. (5 - 10 minutes)

3. Next, try to get a picture of the “fallout” from abuse. In what ways does abuse impact peoples lives? What about the lives of those around them? Try to list the different ways that abuse has a ripple effect in a person’s life and in their relationships. (5 - 10 minutes)

4. In the message, we learned that part of the challenge of abuse is thinking that the future can be different. So it's worth taking some time to look at “success stories”. Ted talked about how God desires to take away the hurt and “sing over” us with rejoicing (see Zephaniah passage below). Was there ever something from your past (of any sort) that you did not want to deal with or maybe even look at, but later were able to face and get “healing” or resolution? Think about that for a minute and then share: What different things got you to look at that part of your story? Next, what things helped you to get past the issues/events once you looked at them? Have you heard God "singing" over that part of your story? (If you don’t have or don’t want to share your own story – maybe there is someone else’s lessons you can talk about – with careful confidentiality please!). (10 - 15 minutes)

5. Next, look at abuse from a different perspective….that of a friend or family member. What are the “challenges” to helping and/or supporting someone who has experienced abuse? What are some of “natural reactions” others might have? What are kinds of things would not help –or even hurt the situation? What things can “supporters” do that would likely be helpful? Try to develop two lists: “options to help” and “things to avoid”. (10 minutes)

6. End by spending some time for reflection. Ted started by talking about how Pharaoh told Moses “Tomorrow” when asked about when the plague of frogs would be removed. Ask yourself if you are in denial – over abuse (or something else) in your own life, or in someone else’s. Is there a step you clearly hear God prompting you to take – today – to help yourself or to help someone else. If so, write down your commitment to God and take a moment in prayer to ask Him to give you the grace/power/purpose to take that step. (5 minutes)


Bible verses from the message:

Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron and said, “Pray to the LORD to take the frogs away from me and my people, and I will let your people go to offer sacrifices to the LORD." Moses said to Pharaoh, "I leave to you the honor of setting the time for me to pray for you and your officials and your people that you and your houses may be rid of the frogs, except for those that remain in the Nile." "Tomorrow," Pharaoh said.
Exodus 8:8-10

The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:15-17

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.
I Peter 5:8

This is what the LORD says: “Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing.”
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,” declares the LORD, “because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.” This is what the LORD says: “I will restore the fortunes of Jacob's tents and have compassion on his dwellings; the city will be rebuilt on her ruins, and the palace will stand in its proper place. From them will come songs of thanksgiving and the sound of rejoicing.”
Jeremiah 30:12, 17-19

Get more - go further:

If you want particular support for your own abuse issues there are several options:

• Wings on a Dove – 3-week workshop for women who have experienced domestic violence; starts November 19th.
• Wounded Heart Book Study – 8-week study designed for women who have been sexually abused, starting January 14th.
• There is an On-going Support group for women who have been abused – 2nd and 4th Thursday of every month.
• For additional info on any of these programs, e-mail ComfortAndHope@gatewaychurch.com.
• If this series has struck a chord with you and you would like to become part of the solution by volunteering with any of the Support and Recovery ministries, please e-mail SupportAndRecovery@gatewaychurch.com.
  

Individual help: Biblically-based, professional counseling is available at Gateway. Counseling can be a great help if you are seeking healing, growth, understanding or encouragement. Contact Merry Fiske, MA, LPC if you have questions or to schedule an appointment at (512) 659-1256.

You can find a searchable index to find books on abuse at the Gateway Bookstore on-line or look at books at the "Garage".

Also, check out other resources for personal growth at the Way of Christ resource website.

Remember - each Sunday's message is available by 5 PM on the day of the message. Past messages are also available for listening and download. Just go to Gateway's Sunday Messages. Free CD's of the messages will be available after the services at Gateway the following Sunday.